Little Psycho
by BlackCat62
Summary: A child falls into Deadpool's care, only she isn't from around there. Once grown, how will S.H.I.E.L.D. be able to keep them down? Especially when they take in a few other odd ones. Title is WIP.


_Well, I'm back with what I hope will be a good story. _

**Little Psycho**

The night is silent with no sound to be heard except the running of that little man and the rapid fire shots from my pistols. Oh how fun it is to scare them right before the kill. I now stop shooting, just to make him think he's safe. Wait a few moments, then poof now I'm behind him slowly sneaking up until I'm right behind him. I point the gun at-

"If you're gonna kill me then I might as well say that your narrating what you're doing out loud," said the soon to be dead man. "It is very annoying and hard to ignore."

"Oh well. Now don't you worry, this will only hurt A LOT," he said, pulling the dual triggers. Click, click. "DAMN YOU BLACKCAT62. YOU _ _ _ _, AND STOP CENSORING MY WORDS YOU _-" He was cut off by a flash of light and a bundle with lettering on it.

"Well, that's random. Now on to killing that, hey where did he go? He was here a moment ago. And what's that noise and smell? Must be the bundle. Oh, and why hasn't the author separated this out some?" He asked to no one in particular. Setting down the empty guns, he picked up the noisy and smelly bundle. "Let's see what's in here any HOLY _, A BABY!" Dropping the bundle/baby, he started rubbing his hands on his suit with plans on burning the suit to get rid of the soon to be new stains.

"Now time to-" BANG! The sound of a shot rang out as the child somehow pulled the trigger. The bullet tore through Deadpool's chest and travelled onwards. Hearing the soothing sound of a body dropping dead, Deadpool turned around and saw that guy he was hired to kill had lying on the ground, a puddle of blood forming on the beneath him.

"Oh great, now the kid is the one that gets paid. I could kill it but then I'll be the one who killed the guy who killed the guy I was hired to kill. This sucks worse than Headpool. Oh wait he's me so he still rocks," Deadpool said, "*sigh* I guess I'll take the little demon with me, so that way I can get the cash." He turns around and notices that the puddle of blood formed a stream that reached the baby's blanket, turning it from white to red. He walked towards it and picked it up.

"Let's get going."

The **guy in charge of giving money to mercenaries** was worried. It was almost time for _Deadpool_ to return with a bounty. Whenever he showed up his head began to hurt from his nonstop chattering, plus there was always the chance that Deadpool would be in a bad mood, or a very very good mood.

"I hope that he doesn't show up until after my shift," he said. "It is over in 5, 4, 3, 2 -"

"Hey, what's-your-name how are ya!" shouted the pain in his head.

"Better a couple seconds ago."

"Well, I need your help two things. The first is that the guy I was hired to kill was instead killed by a baby who fell from a flash of light, using my gun, WHICH WAS EMPTY YET STILL SHOT A BULLET FOR THE LITTLE so how do I get the money?

"You said that the kid fell from a flash of light and killed him with your gun!" The mansaid, surprised. "Well, the money must go to the kid or in this case the kid's parents, but if the child is all alone then the boss can keep his-". That was as far as he got as a blade nicked his neck.

"Think very carefully about what you say next." Deadpool stated with his eyes narrowing. "How do I get MY money?"

"Y-You would ha-have to adopt the kid. Then you would technically be the kid's dad. I have forged papers before, so I can take care of it all."

"So according to you I have, to take in to my home, a baby. One of the things I hate the most."

"Exactly!"

"Very well, give me the papers I need to sign and tell me the stuff needed to forge the documents."

"You won't need to sign anything until the end, just answer questions."

"Clear as the hole of a cannonball in my chest."

"Name?"

"Deadpool or the merc. formerly known as Wade Wilson"

"I meant the name for the kid."

"Oh, well this blanket covering it says Lian, so let's go with that."

"Alright, so going by the name I'll guess it's a girl, so that takes care of that. Eye color?"

"Grey."

"Hair color?"

"Auburn, wait. Why am I answering these? I've got her with me." He said pulling the kid out of the carrier he _'borrowed'_ from a store. "Here you go, and this leads me to my second request from just a little bit earlier in this chapter, would you clean her up and change her. Thanks. See you in a few moments." He said after placing her in his hands. He left just long enough to return the carrier and make sure that all his weapons were in somewhat safe places (and for the poor guy to change the girl's diaper.)

"I'm back, so now can I sign the stuff, take her home, and try to cry myself to sleep every night yet not be able to due to her constantly crying"

"Yes, so sign this, take her, this check, and please never return."

"Not a chance. BYE!"

_Well tell me what you think of it. I enjoy all criticism. If you think I ever don't portray Deadpool right then let me know. I am open to any and all Ideas._


End file.
